October 2020

My book is written. It has been illustrated and edited. Now it’s in the hands of a graphics expert who is laying out the pages so that the margins are correct for binding, so that pages end in the right places, so that the headings and page numbers are inserted properly and so that all the other details that make a final product look good are done right. This is not my area of expertise! I tend to settle for “good enough” and for this project, I want someone to sweat the small stuff for me.

For better or worse, right now, weeks before an enormously important election, my graphics expert is busy creating and printing political materials – mailers, yard signs, and such. So, my book awaits. That’s fine – I didn’t want to release it until after the election anyway, when I hope that stress levels will be lower, and people start focusing on the road ahead.

While I wait, I’ve been working as a mail ballot dropoff monitor for the Registrar of Voters in San Diego County. We have an excellent registrar who has gone out of his way (consistent with state-wide mandates and local initiative) to provide many locations for people to deliver their ballots straight into a box that goes directly to the Registrar office for processing without passing through the post office or other intermediaries. These ballots will be the first ones counted as soon as the polls close on November 3.

The excitement and anxiety are evident as voters double-check that we are the actual official dropoff location. They want assurance that they signed in the right place and got the date correct. They want to know how to track their ballot to be sure it gets counted. They understand that their vote matters, whoever they are casting it for. It matters not just because of the President, but for all the other candidates and issues on the ballot.

So I wait for my book to cross the finish line. And I wonder. I wonder how it will be received. I wonder, of course, how the nation will fare, once this election is over.

And I wish. I wish for healing. I wish for an end to the pandemic and all the pain it has caused. I wish for healing in our ailing nation. I wish it were easier to bring that healing.

I believe that ignorance and prejudice can be reduced through personal experience – getting to know people with different beliefs, different appearance, different cultures, and different values can transform generic stereotypes into human connection. Knowing someone as an individual who likely shares much in common despite their differences, can open us up to a broader understanding. Not just tolerance – I “allow” you to be who you are – but mutual transformation. I change as a result of getting to know you, and vice versa. We don’t become exactly like each other, but we have softer edges and we become more malleable.

In truth, it’s a bit scary, this idea of blending, or transforming, of letting go of control and allowing yourself to be changed. I have a bad habit of thinking I’m right most of the time, whether or not it’s true. And of course, what does it mean to be right? According to who and what? It can be humbling to hear another’s perspective and realize that their lived experience leads them to a different set of opinions and priorities that may be equally as valid as my own. Making space for those differences is challenging. I want to say “yes but …” and defend why my position makes the most sense. It’s hard to hold multiple truths and not feel threatened or needing to defend mine. If we could walk a mile in each other’s shoes, we would be transformed. But we have to be willing to take off our own comfortable, worn-in shoes in order to try it.

What if we had a universal public service requirement? What if everyone at some point, preferably between 18 and 25, had to spend one or two years doing something for the common good, working with others who might come from different backgrounds? There is definitely work to be done, whether it’s building infrastructure, restoring environmental damage, improving educational opportunities, providing health care, or any number of other urgent needs in our society. If we can create a safe environment, and offer skills training in both human relations and in the technical aspects of the particular tasks, we could restore some of our lost social capital.

I hope we can find ways, as a society, to create such opportunities for people to outside their “bubble” in support of shared goals. This is most important for younger folks, before their attitudes are baked in. But it can work at any age. Let the healing begin.